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“Therapy looks more at thought patterns and relationship patterns and goes more into depth into past issues, whereas coaching is looking at what’s going on right now.

It’s a lot more present-focused.” The coaching lasts as long as you need to meet your goals, which of course varies from person to person, but Weissfeld says, “I suggest people plan on four to ten sessions depending on what we’re working on, but am happy to do a one off session if that’s what someone wants.” Sometimes, coaching alone isn’t enough, Chavez says, “If the problem is lifelong and goes deeper into family dynamics, attachment styles, and past trauma, I will recommend a more thorough treatment plan that may include intensive therapy looking at past behaviors, relationships, and patterns in sex and intimacy.”These sessions take place either in person or over video chat— licensed therapists may use secure video chats that comply with HIPAA confidentiality agreements, but most sex therapists I found were open to video sessions—and usually involve some homework afterward.

Some of the need for retraining people in masturbation comes from our society’s complex relationship with jerkin’ it.

Each of the sex educators I talked to mentioned the shame tied in with early masturbation experiences, how we’re taught to be silent, to be afraid of being caught, to lie still.

Shannon Chavez, a clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.Often, redirection and a calm parental response which does not over focus on the behavior itself is most helpful way to engage with your kid. Explain that because masturbation is personal and a private topic— and happens with a lot of teens as they grow up—many people make fun of it.Say that you want them to know better than to feel shame or excessive worry over this.The purpose and meaning for this is ultimately about love and relationship in marriage. It isn’t supposed to be “all about me.” Explain that self-control and the mature use of the body in marriage is the goal—not to get stuck on masturbation, but also not to feel abnormal about it occurring. Explain that masturbation is the touching or movement of the genital area (penis for males and clitoris for females) to the point of a physical sensation called arousal.Be clear that it’s not physically damaging to the genitals or body. Genital self-touching sometimes becomes a “go-to” strategy to cope with stress or social isolation.

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