Your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife...." A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office."Is it true," she wanted to know,"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life? There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'." Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft.. An old lady was standing at the rail of the cruise ship holding her hat so that the wind wouldn't blow it away in the wind A gentleman approached her & said, "Pardon me, madam, I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this wind? "But I need my hands to hold onto my hat." "But madam, he said, "you must know that you're derriere is exposed!
" The woman looked down, then back up at the man and said, "Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old, but I just bought this hat! You turn out the lights for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. You answer automatically when someone addresses you "Old Timer." You burn your midnight oil after p.m.
"Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls home and screams at her dad, "You are NOT getting divorced. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. "Okay," he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares... I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 years ago today! You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more. A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you? You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well. A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.
I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach. If you're a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests. A .00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." 21. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate her instead of asking "How did that Happen!!?! You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old self 1. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy.
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello". When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a Biopsy from another Mr. "Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive Tests one time." "Well, what am I supposed to do now? After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing. " "Opened a can of baked beans instead." Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?
Ward arrived as well, and we are now Uncertain which one is your husband's. "Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's, and The other one tested positive for AIDS. " "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. ' 'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
I don't know if I'm retiring, Or just getting out of bed? Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up." 8. You're the one calling the police because those kids next door won't turn down the stereo. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then... Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist You can't remember who sent you this list. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.
Once I stood in my own bathroom, Wondering if I'd used the pot. A few days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.