Nonchalance in dating

Even though marriage has never been a goal for me, how silly to think that you can–or should–get through life without loving, as often and as intensely as you can.

Of course, love requires all the things that scare me most: vulnerability, need, want, rejection.

And I’m discovering that to win at not wanting, and not having, may not be a game worth winning, in the end.

Illustration by Chris Delorenzo Is it a purple-eggplant or a row-of-hearts relationship? And what context does this particular “hey” belong in?

I returned to the safety of my friends and we watched him amble from one poorly lit corner of the room to the other, looking for me. I felt bad, but the way I see it now, not bad enough. When my mother got wind of what happened, she scolded me, pleaded–”What is wrong with you? But it was reinforced by the notion that men were something to be dealt with, but not at all necessary or required.

I left this boy stranded and friendless, at a school dance where he knew no one but me. It remains one of the cruelest things I’ve ever done. I’m Not Proud of This, Either But it was a bit of a pattern, it turns out.

It’s hard for me to turn down a challenge–but I’m facing an entirely new one now.

Because the softening and revealing and opening up that love requires is the very thing I’ve been steeling myself against.

But I’m well aware that my tendency to fight and compete and fear losing to men has made it incredibly hard for me to love the way I know I could.Myrow works with clients to help them recognize precisely what they’re doing online, dating-wise, and to help them learn to treat the whole process in a healthier way.It’s not the technology that’s inherently bad, she says. Because, having been raised in the 80s, I came of age with the strong impression that men were basically up to no good. Training grounds for the “men not required” mentality. Men Not Required This was easy for me to believe because I went to an all-girls’ private and progressive catholic high school.

Leave a Reply