Lesbian dating men
(This piece was originally published at The LStop.org)Within every lesbian community there exists a tale as old as time, a proverb as common as it is contentious: Bi women cheat, betray, and ultimately leave — never for another woman, but for a man.Like those who flee the tumults of city life for quieter and less complicated pastures, bisexual women may seem destined, in the eyes of gay women, to trade the grit and hardships of queer life for the suburbs of heteroville.Now no one is driving the process forward; no one sets up the next date, leans in for a kiss, or “buys the flowers,” so to speak.Any digression from the beaten path of straight romance leaves other bi women feeling as though I’m not interested, even if I am interested but showing it in a different manner than she’s used to.From an early age boys and girls are taught that relationships are successfully obtained by performing “complementary” roles of cat and mouse, pursuer and pursued, the actor and the acted-upon.Consequently, girls learn to define romance as a noun — a subjective experience brought about by a man’s actions.Boys, on the other hand, learn to define romance as a verb — something they must actively do to earn a girl’s affections.
Particularly with those who’ve known their orientation from an earlier age, and/or those who’ve had little, if any, experience dating men in their past.
While the generic dating advice is useful, there’s also some more specific advice from one lesbian to another.
You can also take a look at our Success Stories, which feature real members and their experiences.
Even when a particular girl is gay and says she’s into me, it’s like pulling teeth just to get her to flirt with me or make a move…”One of the most pervasive challenges I’ve experienced with dating after I transitioned has been maintaining the interest of cisgender bisexual women without having to perform romance in the same heteronormative manner I’d been taught back when I lived as a boy.
In this situation, if I approach romance even slightly more passively, or deviate from heteronormative standard practice in any way, the momentum between us fizzles out in a hurry.