How to handle dating a divorced man with a child
Adam knows how I feel and tries to handle these situations without hurting my feelings, but it’s really difficult to care for the kids while keeping the ex out because she has completely tied herself to the kids.
Adam and I love each other deeply and cherish being in each other’s lives, but a shadow of the ex-wife seems to loom over and create tension between us.
He comes with his children, and his children come with their mother.
There’s no such thing as Adam without them—that version of Adam simply doesn’t exist.
That said, there are some people who date divorced dads who just don’t get it. Awhile ago, I wrote a blog post called Are Divorced Guys A Turnoff To women? In that post, I wrote this quote: “Who one woman gives up could be another woman’s love of her life.” A reader then commented about it: This might be impossible, especially if the couple had children, they are always ‘first, forever’. I got nothing (except dirty looks from ex/kids), they all have legal/blood ties together, so I didn’t want to move in with a family to pay 1/2 the mortgage to be an outsider, permanently. That doesn’t diminish our love for each other, it just is the natural order of the priorities of being a parent.
This means the woman is putting the divorced dad first, and he’s putting her second, or third. That is a given and needs to be accepted by anyone who chooses to date a divorced dad. Tough situation (for me, not them, they all have each other). Ask yourself if you really really love this person and if you do, then staying with him (or her) even under the roughest of circumstances should be a no-brainer!
But others will require you both to talk about your expectations in this relationship.
While you want to be with Adam, you must understand that the person you’re in love with is somebody who has a family.
Every time Adam’s ringtone goes off, my stomach churns because I feel so violated and intruded on by her.
The kids’ main residence is with her, and Adam has the kids a few days a week.
The ex constantly sends Adam texts about the kids, from mundane details to complaints about their behavior.
If he doesn’t respond to his ex’s calls for help with the kids, he might worry that they aren’t okay and that he’s neglecting their needs.
But if he does respond, he might worry that he’s making you feel angry or unimportant.