Dating after an affair

What's scary about affairs is there's a lot of unknowns.

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“The couple needs to let go of the parts of their [partnership] which were not working, and then move towards creating a new dynamic in the relationship,” Klow says.

“Couples can emerge from an affair with a better sense of who they each are and what they want from their relationship.”Amatenstein agrees.

“It's not going to be the same, but that doesn't mean that it can't be strong in some ways stronger than it was originally,” she tells SELF.

Heartbreak-rage-move on is a formula that has fed every kind of pop culture for centuries, from the Bible to movie melodramas. It’s easy to assume that infidelity would spell an automatic end to a partnership, but it’s not that simple—and that’s a good thing.

Greater social equality between men and women, the rise of relationship and sex experts like Esther Perel, and diminishing stigma around going to therapy have all made it easier for couples to think beyond a binary “stay together or break up” choice in the wake of an intimate betrayal.

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